Part 3: Money Mindset – Align Your Voice and Self-Worth
People will tell you intimate details about their sex lives often before they will talk about their finances. Somehow, it’s impolite to talk about money; it’s rude, it’s crass, or it’s breaking a rule. Money has been a taboo topic although it’s an essential component of our existence. Being able to sustain ourselves is integral for our self-care and self-worth. According to data from the American Psychological Association, money ranks as the top stressor in our lives.
Women and money is a challenging relationship. Looking from the outside in, Female Quotient CEO Shelley Zalis has written extensively about how women are paid 23% less than men are paid globally. This external fight for financial equality is difficult. There can also be an internal struggle. The internal one can reflect our experience of self-worth, how we value ourselves, whether we experience ourselves as deserving of more or of less. These feelings contribute to the tone, intensity, and confidence in our voices.
Let’s take a look at the money mindset and get clarity about what that means. To begin, a mindset is made up of the thoughts and beliefs we have, which create the mental orientation and habits that guide our responses. It is a filter through which we experience different aspects of life and a belief that directs us.
However, it is not necessarily a belief that we’re aware of or that we can control. Rather, it is a belief that can push, pull, and bully us without our conscious consent. This same phenomenon applies to our money mindset.
Whether it’s someone we know or ourselves, we can see how people make conflicting choices. They might say they want to achieve a goal then do things that will ensure they won’t succeed. Often, it’s much easier to see the derailing that happens with others than to recognize it with ourselves. Our vision can be myopic. We can’t change what we’re not aware of but, once we take the courageous step towards clarity, the power of choice is in our own hands.
In order to help inoculate ourselves against unwitting self-sabotage, we must identify and understand our money mindset. It is essential to become clear about our deeply entrenched beliefs about money, our confidence and doubts about our self-worth, and then to have this clarity help power our voice.
Here are three crucial steps to integrate your money mindset, self-worth, and voice to help you achieve your goals.
IDENTIFY YOUR BELIEFS ABOUT MONEY
Even if you don’t talk to other people about money, this is an essential conversation that you must have with yourself. Although we can be intellectual about money, we can also operate from an orientation of belief. We know that belief can bypass and thrive in defiance of logic.
According to Leslie Albrecht, The Wall Street Journal, Money Watch September 24, 2019, it is important to help people “understand the emotional underpinnings around money” and that, frequently, “the discussion will lead back to childhood when our parents taught us, either consciously or unconsciously, what and how to think about money.”
Think back to what you heard about money when you were a kid. What phrases did you hear? “Filthy rich,” “dirt poor,” “flat broke,” “feel like a million bucks,” “money is the root of all evil?”
Identifying your money-mindset helps you understand how your deep-rooted beliefs about money were formed and what underlying beliefs you may hold now.
- What were your family attitudes about people who had money?
- What were your family attitudes about people who didn’t have money?
- Was money the only identifier of worth? How else were you taught to gauge your value and the value of others?
- What is your inner-voice saying about money?
APPRAISE YOUR SELF-WORTH—MORE THAN A $$ SIGN
Is my self-worth a number on a check? At first glance, we’d definitely say “of course not.” But we really need to go further. Money does not have to equate with your self-worth. People can be “mentally groomed” to equate money with self-worth. But, failing to identify, experience, and own your self-worth can be just as damaging.
The truth is, we are more than a dollar sign, but feeling “not enough” can feel like the norm. For many of us, having less can feel like it’s “just the way it is.” This can be due to mindsets about money we grew up with or applied to ourselves. We can feel comfortable in a world where we believe we are “in the right spot,” but it doesn’t take much to shake up the idea that you are more. It’s wonderful to have someone “see something in you” that you don’t see in yourself. However, unless we own our talents, skills, and gifts we may always feel like we’re “not enough.”
Are you putting yourself on the “sale” rack, marking yourself 35% off before anyone else has a chance to? When accomplishing a task or project, it can sometimes feel like there can’t be that much value attached to it since we’re the ones able to complete it.
- Is my self-worth as big or small as the number on my paycheck?
- What would need to happen for me to feel more worthy?
- What are the positive things you hear from others about yourself? Can you see it and agree?
- Are you stuck in an all or nothing model: If I’m not the absolute best (according to all kinds of perfectionistic criteria), I don’t feel like I’m worth much?
CREATE YOUR PICTURE OF SUCCESS
Are you walking around with someone else’s picture of success for you? It may all look pretty good but it may not be the picture that really captures what fulfillment, accomplishment, and self-worth mean to you. Maybe it’s what you’ve always accepted as the model of success. Deconstructing and identifying what you’ve heard about success is crucial so that you can build what you truly want and not be unconsciously attached to a belief about success.
- What did you hear about being successful growing up?
- Who was the successful one in your family?
- Was there room for everyone to be successful?
- Could you be successful without a large paycheck?
- Are you limiting your picture of success? If so, why?
- What if you dream big?
NOW, FOR THE NEXT STEPS
You’ve done the hard work of getting your thoughts together about money and self-worth; you’ve created a real picture of success. Now you need clarity, steadiness, and alignment.
It’s time to claim your voice of authority and disrupt outdated beliefs about yourself.
It’s time to Up Your ACT™ and become the go-to team member and sought after talent.
It’s time to reboot your money mindset and align your voice and self-worth.
It’s time to Be Heard. Be Seen. Be Valued.™
Dr. Risa Ryger Is the Founder of 93% Consulting, International Speaker, Clinical Psychologist (Columbia University), and Expert in Change. Dr. Ryger helps people stop feeling invisible and undervalued by harnessing their potential, power, and presence to Be Heard. Be Seen. Be Valued.™
For more expert advice, check out:
Part 1: Claim Your Voice of Authority
Part 2: Command Your Voice of Authority – Up Your ACT™
Seen & Heard in the Equality Lounge @ Davos 2020